Prior to our marriage, my husband had been married once before. After his first marriage failed, he developed a strategy for marital bliss that he faithfully applies to our marriage. The first rule in his “Strategies for Marital Bliss” is, “Never go to bed angry, upset or annoyed at your spouse.” Seems simple enough, unless, of course, one has ever been married. Through the years, however, anger, discontent and annoyance have never been a significant problem for us. The reason, I imagine, is directly related to his second strategy for marital bliss.
During the 1960’s, the “flower children” coined a phrase, “Love is never having to say you’re sorry.” My husband’s second strategy for marital bliss is in direct conflict with this philosophy. His second strategy is “Regardless of fault; love rushes to say sorry, first.”
My husband’s “Strategies for Marital Bliss” actually apply to every relationship between human beings. Whether you are sweethearts, siblings, relatives, co-workers or acquaintances, you should seriously consider incorporating his rules, into every relationship in which you participate. While it is true that none of us is perfect, at the moment of death, imperfection is frozen. Death robs the living of the opportunity for simple resolution and blocks the comfort of peace.
These lost opportunities for resolution and peace are unfortunate indeed. This undesirable state of affairs creates years of complicated grief for the bereaved survivor. The depth of stress brought on by this situation can lead to serious ailments. My best advice is to follow my husband’s “Strategies for Marital Bliss” in one’s everyday interactions and in every relationship in which one engages.
If one finds that he or she is at odds with a loved one, or with anyone for that matter, try to incorporate my husband’s strategies into the relationship. Even in the worst of circumstances, clearing one’s own slate of any blame, will in the end, clear one’s conscious. I am certainly not advocating that a victim apologize to a perpetrator for any abuse or crime inflicted upon them. What I am suggesting, is that you try to forgive. Forgiveness will bring you the most comfort possible. Do not continue the cycle of victimization at your own hands. Do what is best for you, by releasing the negative stresses of anger and hate.
Once a death has occurred, victims become the unexpected losers, giving the obnoxious or abusive acquaintance, indefinite power over them. Due to their own inability to resolve their lives, the victim has perpetuated the negative control that will hamper their recovery until they are able to effect resolution within themselves. This is an extremely difficult feat to accomplish. Turn your woes into a winning scenario; deal with the abuse while your abuser remains living. Clear your life of them and their negative control over your happiness.
In the case of a failed marriage, no matter who is at fault, both parties lose. The same is true in life and death. Do not rob yourself of peace, do not rob yourself of happiness and certainly, do not rob yourself of bliss. Follow my husband’s strategies; take care of unfinished business today before your head hits the pillow. Your life will be better for it.
My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am a funeral director, author and freelance writer. I write books, weekly bereavement articles, and mid-week grief briefs related to understanding and coping with grief. It is my life’s work to comfort the bereaved and help them live on.
Please follow my blog at http://pushin-up-daisies.blogspot.com/ and Twitter account @PushnUpDaisies, visit my website www.QueenCityFuneralHome.com or read my book “Pushin’ Up Daisies” for additional encouragement and information.